In Need of Grace

I think I took my own advice too seriously

2009-10-06T09:39:00.002-04:00

And took a HUGE break! We did have a crazy, go go go summer, but it's October now and the 5K post I wrote months ago (still awaiting pictures) is only one of many glaring posts that need to be finished or deleted. Look for something soon - or pester me about it.

Sabbath

2009-07-10T11:41:00.002-04:00

So I've been trying to write this post for almost a year. And the short of it is, we all need a Sabbath. A while back (maybe last October?) Kevin and I noticed that I was not okay. I was hanging on, but something wasn't sitting right, and it underscored everything. Sure, there was busy and full and stress and whatnot, but still. When you're off, you're off. And then I had to go grocery shopping one Sunday morning and Kevin sniffed it out. So we talked about my time and how I used it and then Kevin lovingly brought up Sundays. Now, he's a pastor and church is at 4pm so it's a full work day for him and the "family time" many enjoy after morning church is not available for us. I guess I had just written off the day as a "work" day for me too, but going to the grocery store or cleaning the house served neither him nor me (or the kids, for that matter). He gently but clearly pointed out the need for a Sabbath and that I was to take one no matter his vocation. His work was preaching the sermon, mine was preparing to hear one. To not do so is to be in sin. And if sin is anything apart from God's revealed will, well, I sure was in it, because God had made pretty clear His will for me here. [See Exodus 20:8-11 or Deuteronomy 5:12-15]

Here's what did it for me:

the Westminster Confession of Faith, Chapter 21, sections 7 &8.

VII. As it is the law of nature, that, in general, a due proportion of time be set apart for the worship of God; so, in his Word, by a positive, moral, and perpetual commandment binding all men in all ages, he hath particularly appointed one day in seven, for a sabbath, to be kept holy unto him: which, from the beginning of the world to the resurrection of Christ, was the last day of the week; and, from the resurrection of Christ, was changed into the first day of the week, which in Scripture, is called the Lord's day, and is to be continued to the end of the world, as the Christian sabbath.

VIII. This sabbath is then kept holy unto the Lord, when men, after a due preparing of their hearts, and ordering of their common affairs beforehand, do not only observe an holy rest, all the day, from their own works, words, and thoughts about their worldly employments and recreations, but also are taken up, the whole time, in the public and private exercises of his worship, and in the duties of necessity and mercy. (emphasis mine)

Doesn't that sound like good news? I really wanted to day described above - sounded almost too good to be true. So I moved it all to 6 days a week, and if it didn't get done - so be it. The girls only got a Veggie Tales movie (not just silly songs - something substantive), we spent more time enjoying each other, and Sydney and I now do the catechism every week. Sometimes with Savannah, sometimes when she's sleeping. Each week we do a question (or two - if they're related) and she has a special composition pad where we write out the question and answer (or whatever she's thinking) and she draws a picture to illustrate the concept. It's one of my favorite times of the week. And the name of this glorious collection of artwork? "The God Jesus Holy Spirit Book" - her idea. :)

And everything else around me, though the same, was drastically different.

Turns out, I could do more than I thought throughout the week, and the true rest that comes on Sunday just fills me up to do it again. I used to take a Sabbath, but somewhere along the way I lost it. I guess that's why we are to "remember" it, and to "keep" it holy. The Sabbath rest is so necessary for my daily life now, it's hard to imagine I'll go that long without again. But just in case, I'm going to keep remembering it, and reminding myself the true purpose of the Lord's day.

So there it is, my post on the Sabbath. I thought I'd have some big grand ideas to share, or some major insight after all this time, but it turns out the best learning on this subject comes from the doing. Won't you join me this Sunday and leave your laundry on the floor, your dishes in the sink, and run to the lap of your Maker and your God? I'll see you there.

They're cute when they're cute!

2009-07-07T11:30:00.015-04:00

Yesterday while walking out of a store, Sydney said to Savannah, "I'm just going to have one of those *goodies*. You can have the rest." To which Savannah replied, "You're the best, Sydney!" To which Sydney replied, "No, you're the best. That's why you get the rest!" It was A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E!

Just when I thought it couldn't get cuter, we started to play "I Spy" on the way home. You know, "I spy, with my little eye, something that is [insert color]."

Here's how Savannah said it EVERY TIME: "I spy, with My Little Pony, something that is [insert color]." Holey smokes was it cute!

And now, to put you way over the top - a couple pictures from our trip to California for my brother's wedding.

5K

2009-05-01T22:35:00.006-04:00

I'm joining Susanne at Living to Tell the Story and the carnival of Friday's Fave Five - my top five things for the week. Since I'm training for a 5K I thought I'd just list the related five things here.

Disclaimer: A family member of mine underwent a successful surgery removing a (hopefully benign) tumor from her brain/ear area today. No matter the joy the following five things bring me, they cannot compare to God's mercy in this matter today! :)

1. Running without showers of water or pollen falling on me. Or pushing a jogging stroller with one or two children. It makes a difference.

2. My iPod. And old school ESPN Jock Jams. And Burlap to Cashmere. And the Imagination Movers. And all kinds of other eclectic music I've gathered over the years. And Maurice Ravel's Bolero. More on that in a minute.

3. Correct stretching techniques.

4. After-running treats, like many glasses of water and this ice cream.

5. The fact that my neighborhood doesn't find it strange to see a 31-year-old woman running up and down the streets, periodically singing out random lyrics or shouting "Run, Run, Run" with each step for a quarter mile before turning into her house. At least, it's not strange any more.

A short note on Ravel's Bolero. If you are not familiar with this classical piece let me sum it up for you: 15-plus-minutes of listening bliss in which a bunch of instruments playing the same thing one by one, then two by two, then three by three, etc., until it steadily grows to a musical frenzy and then suddenly, in about four seconds, cascades into a heap - followed by silence. Much like my running style.

If you want to join, simply link over at Susanne's site via Mr. Linky. See you there!

Overheard

2009-04-21T21:53:00.002-04:00

Overheard at our house in the past month.

Sydney to Savannah:

You can't get married today, you're not even five!!

Savannah to Mommy (upon realizing that she would have to change into her pjs):

Mommy: Say "thank you" mommy.

Sav: (growling) "thank you mommy"

Daddy: Now say "thank you mommy" with a smile.

Sav: (teeth bared) "thank you mommy with a smile"

Ha Ha!

In Christ Alone

2009-04-12T07:00:00.009-04:00

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

CCLI No:3350395.

Happy Easter!

The day before Passover, or, This post has nothing to do with the song I will reference below

2009-04-08T00:56:00.002-04:00

At church Sunday we sang a song with the words, "And right now, in the good times and bad, you are on your throne, you are God alone." My immediate thought? There is no bad right now.

Let me say that again. My immediate thought was, "No bad." How could that be? I've already written that it's spring break right, and Savannah has sinusitus, the pollen is out in full force (therefore I cower at all living plants, take my myriad meds and shower 40 times a day to breathe), and, c'mon, we are regular people - there must be some "bad" right? Wrong.

We are not mere regular people. We are in Christ. And that, my dear friends, means there is truly no "bad." How can this be? Does Jesus give us an easy, smooth, life? No, but He does give us His life, which is the source of true joy and hope and lasting peace (not just the absence of conflict).

In our weekly women's Bible study we've been studying the book of James. I've had the privilege of leading it. Since September. And you know what that means? If you've ever led a Bible study you probably know what I'm about to type - it means that I get to learn the most. Not just because I'm doing the research and preparing the lessons and questions, and not just because I'm checking in with everyone individually (as much as I can) in addition to our weekly group meeting. Those are good things and keep the gospel ever in front of me (as does coordinating childcare!! Sheesh the time and effort that takes!). But the truth is that when you labor to dissect the Word of God and present it to a group of women in whom you desperately desire to see the character of Christ formed, you see the power of scripture. You see the power of prayer. And you know (you KNOW) that you have have mostly nothing to do with the fruit that results.

It's the season of Lent in the church calendar. The 40 days before Easter in which Christians traditionally fast or refrain to draw closer to God. A remembrance of Christ's testing in the wilderness and of our dependence on our Heavenly Father for all things. A reset button, in some ways, for our perceptions. When I was a child I often gave up food, like chocolate - and was SO happy that Sunday was always a celebration of Easter so if I needed to "cheat" it was okay to eat that forbidden dark sugary goodness once a week. But that is not the point. Not deprivation.

One year when I was a child our pastor gave out $10 in envelopes and said we should tend to our "talents" to see the Kingdom of God enlarged during that Lenten season. The point of the fast is to replace the time eating, playing, thinking, etc. about what you've removed with time spent "eating," playing, thinking about God - His character, provision, mercy and love. To see sin exposed and repent - turning away from our idolatry and toward our good God who is actually worthy of our worship. I have no idea what I did with the money, but the idea of something more "holy" for that time stayed with me.

This year we hit Ash Wednesday (the beginning of Lent) right as we finished James, chapter two. It was perfect. After months and months of reshaped thinking on the world and our conduct, James chapter 2, verse 26 summed it up with these words, "For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead." So we set out to see where we live "dead" lives, places we either know that action is called for and we ignore it, or places where the action of belief is called for and we fail to run to Jesus, inviting the Holy Spirit to search us, reveal our unbelief, and begin the work of trust in areas not previously revealed to others, or even ourselves. This process has had its ups and downs, much as you might expect.

So what was mine, you might ask? Getting up early. This might sound trivial (or not), but it turns out it was much more about my expectations of entitlement than I expected. And it culminated a few Sundays ago with the Lord graciously answering my pleadings and, instead of joyfully and thankfully receiving His answers, I palpably felt my great disappointment and bitterness at His Word. And that crushed me. And I cried. My poor husband - he's in the middle of his sermon and I'm weeping like a hungry baby - for no discernable reason to anyone around me. And during the musical worship set afterwards (a time for response) I just kept going. I was a heaping pile of goo, folks, goo. And it was great. The shock of seeing such a massive root of bitterness where I had no idea it existed changed my whole world. My perceived world, that is. How grateful I am to see something that was there all along - at least now it is no longer hidden and I can move into that place, in trust (see John 3:19-21). And so I set my alarm. And get up early. Earlier than my kids? Not always. But I have a whole new attitude that seeps into my day, and all the doubt of "how will that schedule change affect my ability to function, to have quality time with my husband, to allow "light sleeper Savannah" to sleep through the beep just on the other side of the wall, to accomplish x and y, to etc. and etc. and etc." has melted away. Because the Lord knows what He is doing. He has set out my days and my paths for me to walk in, and if He commands it, it is not only better, but WILL come to pass. How silly of me to fight Him. Or to grudgingly obey. I should have run, no skipped, cheerfully and playfully to His revealed will. Maybe next time I'll have learned...

So tomorrow (or, rather, today, as I look at the clock) is the day before Passover, the day before the Last Supper, the day before Jesus washes His disciples feet, tells them one will betray Him, and has all His dearest friends sleep instead of pray with and for Him. He'll sweat blood, and submit - with no bitterness, to His Father in heaven, whose will is good and right. And then He'll be betrayed by the one He called for that purpose, and imprisoned.

The next day He'll be sentenced and put to death ON A CROSS - a bloody, humiliating, "inhuman," we say, way to die. But it's utterly human. No more human thing - than to have our sin split open and displayed.

Then Saturday. The day Jesus was really dead, in a sealed tomb, and the hopes and lives of all His followers were turned upside down and inside out. I wonder if Peter replayed his denials over and over, wondering how life would go on. What were the dark places of his heart that he saw so clearly. And how did his mourning cries sound, knowing he had betrayed the one he loved and with seemingly no way to seek forgiveness.

Sunday I'll meet you back here, and I invite you to visit for a song of praise. For the wonder is that Jesus' life was accepted as full payment for our sins. We know that because He was resurrected - proof of the Father's acceptance. And when we are united to Him (King Jesus!) in faith our life is dead and buried, and Christ's perfect life becomes ours. What a joy it will be, after meditating on my wretchedness, to see Christ's glory in all its splendor - given to me from the inside out.

Please join me and the other women of our study as we have these passages from the events of the Passion week (and some others if you want more), and let's look at all these next five days have to offer us - to reset our perceptions and line them up with the reality of substance - the reality of heaven.

Thursday Luke 22:7-65 (additional: 1 Cor. 11:17-33)

Friday Luke 22:66-23:56 (addt'l: Rom. 1:18-2:8)

Saturday Luke 23:56b, 22:34, 54-62 (addt'l: Psalm 51)

Sunday Luke chapter 24 (addt'l Eph. 2:1-10, also Eph. 1:3-14)

Sweet Words

2009-04-06T22:52:00.006-04:00

Today was the first day of Spring Break and guess what? We survived it.

More than. After sleeping in too much (not my fault - the allergies took over the body and the girls were watching "the magic box" so...) we waited out some serious rain and then hit Costco. Because that's how every kid wants to start their "week off" of all things responsible. :)

We had our "special snacks" and bought our list (plus), then hit the food line for lunch. Nothing like some greasy cheese pizza or a massive hot dog to perk up a day. The little one went down and there I was - looking at Sydney. She and I both knew - it was time.

There are a number of "room" improvements we've been discussing for a long time now, and today was the day. So, at 3pm (because why not) we tackled:

1. screwing the mirror to the closet door

2. screwing in a hanging rack for robe and pjs/clothes for next day

3. relocating (via screws) the curtain rod location so her curtains wouldn't be precariously falling out of one side due to overused drywall (because she might want to open them sometime...)

4. moving the bed (again)

5. cleaning EVERYTHING

6. moving the desk location

7. rearranging all the toys and "zones" in the room (to include a swap - beds and swing for baby dolls to sister in exchange for a newly emptied toy box that doubles as a nightstand)

9. putting up a new poster - "God is Good" it says

8. etc.

Um, because we had time for all that. And I only needed to be shown how to unscrew one part to change from drill bit to screw - I am power tools!

The other three things we'll try to tackle this week.

But help begets help because we also cleaned the playroom (that was a WAR ZONE) and ate dinner (minimal complaints - even for broccoli) and then I heard sadness that there wasn't time to help me with the trash.

But the best of all were these words just before we changed the sheets and got Sydney to bed: "Mom, you were right. I DO like my room this way. I REALLY like it. I'm going to listen to you more because you have good ideas. I promise." I don't know if she'll break that tomorrow in hour three or thirteen, but it was sure good to hear. :)

Thank you Laurie Berkner

2009-03-25T13:40:00.003-04:00

Thanks to your music (and a well-timed CD player for Christmas), we have had many hours of sanity that otherwise would have been Momzilla time. My children enjoy stomping as dinosaurs, whooping as doodlebugs, and shaking their chicken eggs. And the other day my husband asked me, "So, the cat comes back, but where had he gone??" Maybe you'll tell us another time... in this time, however, thanks for the automatic "dance" class we have in our front room everyday.

Sincerely,

Mother of two little Energizer Bunnies.

I've been away a long, long, time

2009-03-13T23:08:00.003-04:00

But we are alive and kicking! The short version is illness followed by "let's recover from all the past 6-12 months of illness in a few weeks!!!" madness followed by me, vaccilating between "GO GO GO" and "S-T-O-P", with a lot of wonderfulness in-between. There are so many drafts to finish (not to mention the laundry and dishes that also need tending) and I didn't know how to restart after such a long absence, so I'm going to post about something near and dear to my heart. And we'll go from there.

I think I'm in love with peanut butter

2009-03-13T21:28:00.000-04:00

This is something I recently learned about myself. About a year ago I underwent allergy testing (again) to confirm that I have Oral Allergy Syndrome. I do. It's a lovely little syndrome that's not so lovely and has had me either getting really creative with fresh fruits and vegetables, or ignoring them all together. But at least the rest of the family can have them in any state I choose - so that's great for their health. Just so you know, I seem to respond to most of the major categories, so yippee for me - it's all meat and cheese from here on out!

The upshot of it all, though, is that I tested positive for almond, walnut, and peanut allergies as well. Now, almond and walnut are on the OAS list and I was SURE that's all it was - but apparently you can develop them at any point in life. I'm still holding out hope that the 50% allergy shot option will take care of the food sensitivities (including nuts - or maybe that make me nuts) but until we have some extra thousand dollar bills lying around (I don't care if they are fictitious, this is my fantasy) we'll have to just wait and see on that one. Peanut allergy, on the other hand, is a very serious thing and NOT connected to OAS. I've never had any symptoms with that, and my allergist said it was probably a false positive, because it's usually a positive test AND a family history that makes for an active allergy. So I'm clear, except for the "My uncle has a peanut allergy part" and for the "peanuts scare the **** out of us" part (yes, she was speaking, apparently, for the entire allergy profession). So, I left with my Epi-Pen prescription, some blotchy skin from the crying, and the words, "This is only in case a meteor falls from the sky and your first reaction to a peanut is super huge. Or so you can be the hero mom when some kid gets stung by a bee." running through my head. Lucky me.

Since then I've had a love/hate relationship with peanuts and all peanut products (including reading labels - easy since Savannah's classroom is peanut free and I have all manner of helpful lists at the ready). But she told me to act normally until I had some kind of reaction. But I didn't know if the next peanut butter and jelly sandwich would mean the end of brand freedom and the beginning of label-checking and the rejection of gifts of homemade baked goods. After a dark, dark season for lunches in our house (for me), despite my husband's good idea of grilled cheese and various soups (all of which I love), I decided a while back that I should not be avoiding peanut butter and can now have it back in my life. Thus I remembered: I am in love with peanut butter.

Let me give you a brief history:

I had peanut butter and jelly every day of kindergarten (except one, but we don't speak of that peanut butter and banana obscenity anymore).

I used to scoop peanut butter onto my ice cream.

I learned in my teenage years that graham crackers, mild cheddar cheese, and peanut butter are good in any combination.

When I lived in France I used to travel to Paris just so I could go to Haagen-Dazs (they had peanut butter chunks in ice cream which I thought that made the younger me brilliant! And in France, it was vanilla ice cream, not chocolate).

And now, my current obsession with Reese's pieces is out of control. If it gets any more ridiculous, Kevin will have to perform an intervention. I thought it might have the been the year away, but I've evaluated my history, and it appears that Peanut Butter is my culinary kryptonite. Who knew?

Tubes...

2009-01-31T14:20:00.000-05:00

...are a wonderful thing when they're artificial and inserted in little ears! Savannah did very well with the anesthesia and everything, and Sydney took full advantage of her "practice" sleep over at the grandparents! (Why "practice" you ask? Because she had no time to play - a potluck dinner after church, then over to their house for unpacking and sleep. Followed by sleep, sleep, breakfast and school. So we called it the "practice" sleep over to "practice" the sleeping part. My Mother-in-Law's brilliance there.)

Thanks for all your prayers - keep them coming! Savannah's fingers look better everyday, and she'll get the stitches out next week. Once we could move to bandaids all was much less dramatic here! Although, I did sit down in a heap a couple days ago and think, "I need one quiet moment where no one Needs Anything from me (because it's been that week) and then I heard Savannah GET OUT OF HER CRIB! Then I cried, checked her body (she "fell", mm hm...) and let her play Little People. And Praise God she's waited for me ever since. But the days of more mobility are clearly on the horizon.

Now I'm going to bed. And I'm going to alter the time of this post so that no one knows how late I just stayed up. :) Hey, we have a babysitter tomorrow morning, so I only have to be half-awake for that meeting, right? At least no one's nutrition or safety will be on the line.

The number was six

2009-01-23T21:18:00.003-05:00

Six. Six stitches that is. Yesterday Savannah took the opportunity of a ring at the door to follow me just long enough so that I would be distracted while she went to the kitchen, got a block of cheddar cheese and a knife (they were out, but on the other side of the room and required a chair... and she's never tried to get one before...), then took them across the room, up on the chair again, and cut almost all the way through it (exactly half - the long way). All that in the space of time it took me to say, "No pizza, a bag of cut corn, broccoli, and three bags of meatballs." Then I heard the fateful sound of metal, Sydney's words "Savannah has a knife!" and, while already moving, "SHE CUT HERSELF!!!" followed by loud screams and very bloody fingers.

Praise God Kevin (and our friend Brent) had just arrived home from lunch, so I put Savannah under the sink, told Sydney to "get Daddy now" and then let him take over (so I wouldn't pass out). Sydney then got Brent to retrieve a bath towel (which she soaked through) while I packed up a few additional items to the diaper bag, gave quick directions on what to feed Sydney lunch, and paid the Schwan's guy. Poor guy. He looked devastated. As, I'm sure, did we. Sydney, by the way, was very calm and incredible helpful. Then she said she was worried about her sister but would pray for her and would be good while we were gone. I love how she's a gamer.

Praise God we live close to the hospital.

Praise God we have in-laws who can come over and relieve our friend.

Praise God for the nurses and doctors in the E.R. (they took care of Savannah and me - but I told them, on the floor with my head between my knees was just preventative - if I was going to really pass out I'd warn them first).

And PRAISE GOD that she "managed" to miss her tendons (it appears) and cut the best part of those tiny little fingers (to the bone on one and almost to the bone on the other). We call that the Mercy of God.

So, please pray for our little 2.5 year-old. She already removed the hospital bandages and we had to get them rewrapped at the doctor (they were supposed to stay on until Sat. but, well... I only stayed until she fell asleep last night and jumped in her room at the first sign of wakefulness so that she wouldn't remove that beautiful cocoon dressing...). We now have the kind of supplies we need to do this at home. Let's just say that our attempts earlier in the day were completely pitiful, due entirely to our lack of professional laceration-type pads and gauze. But it was pitiful.

Pray that she keeps this bandage on (as she has so far).

Pray that she keeps her hand clean and dry.

Pray that she doesn't scratch what will inevitably be very very itchy fingers.

Pray that she makes it through outpatient surgery on Monday (tubes for her ears). The building is next to the E.R.

And pray that we will continue to care for her and her sister well.

It's been a full 30+ hours (there were actually other things going on then too) so I'm going to go date my husband now. The man who talked me out of shaming myself last night by finally saying, "Anything short of rejoicing and praising the good God in heaven who has spared our daughter any number of worse outcomes, is sin." Sobering, sure, but accurate. Cowering in shame and perceived culpability was doing nothing for my heart, and diminished the goodness of God in my own eyes. The only true response is to worship the God who was overwhelmingly merciful in the whole situation - as He would have still been even if the outcome were different. I love that man. We have a "Burn Notice" waiting on the DVR, and I got good bread and cheese. Bring on the dating.

In one sentence or less...

2009-01-21T23:26:00.007-05:00

It's been a busy few weeks. I'd love to update you. I'd love to give you a 2008 recap of events and life. It's still busy. So, I thought a daily, one sentence update might be helpful. But I can't do that; I'm me. Remember the time I started talking and then said, "To make a short story long..." Remember the time I got married, wrote my own vows, and had to use both sides of the page... Remember the time I wrote a sentence a day for my blog but the intro was FOREVER long...? And so, without further ado, my January.

Jan. 5: It is confirmed the children have no more health insurance. I run all over the city to fix it.

Jan. 5: I see a new baby (less than 24 hours old). Her parents will get our children if we die. It's a glorious beauty.

Jan. 5: Follow-up at the pediatrician. Sydney's ears are clear, Savannah gets to see the ENT.

Jan. 6: The girls are both at school. I breathe once and then dive into all that has been left undone. I'm not winning.

Jan. 7: Annual exam. 'Nuff said.

Jan. 8: I spend one precious hour shopping at the outlets. I walk out with no jeans (but a whole lot of shirts!). I realize they've moved up the magnet school applications by a month and now go into "headless chicken" mode. It's not pretty - even with a new shirt.

Jan. 8: Sydney vomits.

Jan. 9: I accomplish nothing on my to do list. Sydney vomits.

Jan. 10: No vomiting.

Jan. 11: No church, but no vomiting. There's hope, people! I meal plan the next two weeks.

Jan. 12: A thousand errands - in my head. Very little completed. Some things picked up in the garage/guest room/laundry room. Company arrives in six days. I think I went grocery shopping. Sydney eats meat successfully. I have a meeting. Our friend Jay watches the girls. Kevin enters his "week of final prep/doctor visits."

Jan. 13: A thousand errands. This time for real. I find jeans that fit, and some nice (inexpensive) sweaters. I decide last week's outburst over my body image was due to exhaustion. I realize I only feel better because I have clothes that fit. I'm grateful for Lee jeans and Jesus - because my heart is fickle and after first washing I'm prone to have lapses in my perceptions - again.

Jan. 14: Dr. Wilson says, "No shots!" We schedule surgery for tubes in Savannah's ears. The girls spend all afternoon at Grandma and Grandpa's house. And in the afternoon for me... school visit. I try not to cry at the slide show - after all, my kid can't even apply for this until 1st grade (she's entering kindergarten '09-'10) and it's all lottery. Never mind that it's one of the best schools in the state (all levels) and PERFECT for my little Sydney. We joke about moving (I think we were joking...). I have no idea I'll be on an hour-long tour after the hour-long presentation. It's an old school, there are lots of stairs. I eat a donut.

Jan. 15: Nine year anniversary! Love you honey! Another magnet school visit. Jay watches the kids - again. He and Sydney make paper necklaces for all Syd's classmates (big hearts on a "U"). They're going to defend the world from the coming evil of Lydia (ala Barbie and the Diamond Castle). I make the first meal I ever made Kevin. It's a success this time. We have our kids and (last-minute) my in-laws with us for dinner (actually they stayed to talk, but didn't eat. We roped 'em in). It's sweet, but the girls are extra loud for some reason. I talk to Syd's teacher about kindergarten options because the application deadline is 4 days before parent-teacher conferences. She's immensely helpful.

Jan. 16: There's a lot of busy something - I probably fell asleep at the wrong time... that day is a complete blur. I bet we watched the goodnight show.

Jan. 17: WE ARE PCA! (I'll fill you in more on that later)

Jan. 18: I abandon my Sabbath entirely and go great guns to get the house (not clean) sleeping ready. I almost forget to make dinner in the slow-cooker. We are late to church, but there. I take things for four people. More seek me out. Our friends arrive toward the end. I feel a little like "errand" girl, but the sermon and time of response were a good respite. I'm looking forward to a couple of great days.

Jan. 19: PLAY TIME!! I feed 13 people - we do a lot of dishes.

Jan. 20: Final goodbyes after lunch, school is cancelled for the inevitable snowstorm - it never arrives. We have a new president. I put new components in my computer and it doesn't blow up - in fact it all works. Merry Christmas to me!!

Jan. 21: That's today. Hmmmm. Mad dash to school. Some down time for Savannah ("I play Little People!"). Costco run. Late pick-up due to choir. Late lunch. Late nap. I fall asleep on my back, legs off the bed, in Sydney's room. She turns out the light but opens the window shade in her closet (to wake me up but save energy). I wake up an hour later, wrapped in her princess fleece. Mad dash to make two dinners. One for my family (mostly leftovers) and one for said friends with new baby. I spend three hours with said friends - holding baby. We have good conversation and good prayer time. I come home to a child in bed, a sleeping husband, and a wide-awake two-year-old. Glad I stopped for that milkshake.

On growing older... and trees

2009-01-07T23:00:00.014-05:00

We spend a lot of time at the pediatrician's office. A couple years back the practice changed locations, and though we mourned the loss of the water fountain, the new space is large and updated. It is also substantially closer to the parking lot. Like any habitual visitor, I have found a regular parking space. And because the location is new construction, the landscaping is young and fresh. We've been watching a certain tree grow with every one of our many visits.

Early on, the tree was small and spindly. It was overshadowed by our great hulking masses of wheeled metal, and appeared rather lonely so far removed from the other plants. Soon the wooden stakes were planted on either side - and the small tree was tethered to them - the strong guides for its future growth. Sydney was bothered by this tether for a while - one of those chains wrapped in gentle green plastic coating encircling the thin trunk.

"Is it a snake?"

"No, honey, it's a kind of rope, to keep the tree straight."

"Oh, so it's not a snake?"

"No, dear."

"Okay."

And then her concern grew to curiosity:

"So, why does it need that thing?"

"Because it's not strong enough on its own."

"Oh. What will happen if it comes off."

"The tree will blow over too far and become crooked, or crack."

"So it's helping."

"Yes."

"Can I touch it?"

"Ummm, sure. Why do you ask?"

"I want to feel it - feel the helping."

Little by little the tree has grown larger and fuller, and it now hovers over the cars and minivans, like a watchful friend, welcoming us again. Its leaves are not brimming, nor is it near full grown, but there is something steady and familiar - a kind of permanence to its being.

When I took Sydney for her 5-year-old check-up, she pointed out yet another milestone for our leafed companion - the guide and the stakes had been removed. The tree was strong enough to weather the storm alone. When she asked if it was okay like that, I responded casually that yes, it would be okay. The tree was growing up big and strong. "Just like me!" was all she said, while gently rubbing the smooth, brown bark. And I had to fight back the tears as we walked through the doors to our appointment.

You Have To Listen To This

2009-01-06T00:59:00.004-05:00

http://www.bygraceonline.org/audio/Luke15_11-24.mp3

This is one of the best sermons my pastor (and husband) has ever preached. And that's saying something.

The passage is the ever-familiar "Prodigal Son" story, but within the context of the culture of the Bible days. But be warned: this is likely to rock your entire thinking on repentance - either theologically or (and) practically. (Set aside an hour if you want it all at once and some time to digest)

P.S. If you want more context (or if the above link didn't get you there) go to www.bygraceonline.org, click "Audio Sermons" on the right, then either by year or passage. This was Luke 15:11-24, given on November 16, 2008. He started chapter 15 on October 9, so there were three other sermons preceding this. And if you like the story of the first son, feel free to listen to the following week (also worth it) when he tackles the older brother.

Because it's been a while...

2009-01-05T01:08:00.000-05:00

Here is a series of pictures from after the preschool Christmas story service:

Ah, the wonder and majesty!

Night time mercies

2008-12-30T10:06:00.000-05:00

We've had many long hard days here. The girls are still battling ear infections, and Kevin has caught something just icky. Until yesterday, the only nice days for playing outside for weeks were the days of coughing and wheezing, so we've all got cabin fever. I've been sleeping day or night - whenever I can, and the schedules are, well, the schedules are fairly non-existent.

Yesterday we got to go outside. We had a big snack and it took an hour to get outside clothes on (don't ask) but we made it and stayed long (delaying lunch, but, like I said, we'd had a big snack). The sunshine and fresh air did us all good. Then Savannah went down for a nap, I sat down to eat my lunch (finally) and just about the time Kevin went off to the doctor, my body required a nap. Sydney got some electronic game time - bonus for her. :)

Why does this matter? Well, my nap was interrupted a few times to help with the "gaming" and it only served to make me more tired, so when Kevin came home (with Subway) he sent me up to bed saying, "I'm not gonna have the strength to tuck them in, but I can do dinner now. Go be functional."

I love that man.

When I woke up at 7:15pm (I was planning to put Syd to bed at 7...) I thought for sure it would be chaos. The girls' rooms were a mess, I was still groggy, and I had no idea if they were full, playing well together, asleep on the couch, etc. Of course, Kevin was taking care of them so they were fine, but I still thought we had the makings of a really hard night.

When I put them to bed, Savannah got some play time in her room (she'd had such a long nap) and I had to have a stern talk with Sydney about her lack of obedience in the past few days (read: many). We discussed why she is to obey and why I know she can hear me now (she's on day 7 of the meds for her ears and I no longer think they are too plugged). Then she got upset that I wouldn't read the Bible story she picked. But her heart was at stake. We read the story of Jonah. I wanted her to understand disobedience as a big deal - the kind that demands a storm and a fish. And why is it a big deal? Because it shows the true nature of our hearts. So we read the story and then talked about Jonah and what he (should have) learned. After a brief discussion about Savannah's disobedience, we talked about what I might have wanted her to learn by reading that story. I think it was productive, and here is why:

This is her prayer from last night: "Dear Jesus, thank you for playing outside today. And please give me a new heart to listen and obey. I need that. And please, please, come into Savannah's heart and live there. And give me more freckles. I just love those freckles. Amen."

Praise God for His Word, living and active, able to transform even the heart of a 5-year-old!

And yes, Savannah's tuck-in was just as sweet. The highlight? A kiss on the check, a curled up squeeze into my chest and the words, "I ready mom."

Night time mercies. Thank you Jesus. Amen.

Helpful resource

2008-12-29T12:11:00.001-05:00

As 2008 draws to a close, and my 5-year-old is counting down the days until 2009, it dawns on me that we've had quite a year for exploring different illnesses. Not counting ear infections, colds, various forms of the flu (stomach and otherwise) and croupy stuff, we've had (in chronological order): pinworms (at least it wasn't lice, but after the cleaning and laundry it was worse than I thought); a "fluidless" pneumonia (for two!); Hand, Foot and Mouth; and Scarlet Fever. After all that, I found a pictorial site for determining rashes. Not for the faint of heart, but helpful! And much tamer than many others out there. Wish I had seen this before we got our rashes...

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/slideshow-child-skin-problems/article_em.htm

It's wasn't working, but I finally got there.

2008-12-25T14:41:00.005-05:00

I've been trying to write this post for some time now and it's not working, so I'm just jumping in. I've been thinking (among other things) about what it means for Kevin to be the head of our home but for me to really "run" the daily operation of our home.

There was a poignant moment this summer when I felt like I had a whole new picture of what that looks like in a practical way for our family. The story is, in short, the long-time-coming swing set going up in our backyard. The long story involves a number of months where God used this playset to expose my thinking, my communication with/to my husband, my desires and my expectations on our family and our time together.

My husband's job is the church. My job is our home. And then, of course, there's family time. Sometimes at the church. Sometimes at home. But never enough. So what is the point of this post? It is connected with other posts still in process, but I just wanted to say to others who may be wrestling with this same question - you're not alone.

For us, it turns out I was asking (at times) for the wrong things. I discovered some areas where I was trying to "include" Kevin when he had no need to be included and would even be drained by my attempts to bring him closer. Finding out what he most enjoyed doing to serve me or the girls, or the things he most enjoyed in our family time each week, or even what he really didn't care about and was glad to just let me "do"... this was immensely helpful! Once that was sorted out, we found more time and energy for real family time activities. Or grown up time. Or house projects. Or whatever. And there were less conversations lost or unresolved or waited for. Most of this only really affects my head and my heart, and looks nothing different on the "outside." I am a smart, capable woman. And my husband constantly tells me so. In the last eight months or so, I've seen with new eyes both where and why God has intended for me to use my talents for the benefit of the home. And I'm enjoying that.

I'm still sorting it all out, and I often feel like there is no step-by-step roadmap (or at least one that I can follow without searching my heart and submitting it to the will of my good Father in heaven), but I think a lot of the "carried along" feeling from this summer is washing away. Certainly taking a weekly Sabbath has something to do with that... but that's another post.

Even in the frenetic pace of life at home with young girls and in the midst of planting a church, I am finding that God, who has spoken by His Son Jesus, in His Word, the Bible, is speaking peace and surety to me. Christmas is often a time where the word peace is casually thrown around as a platitude, but my peace has been more than just the season of Advent in the making. I pray for all of us that we would let the true peace, the peace of the risen Christ (not just the absence of conflict) reign in our hearts far beyond this "holiday" time, and experience the fullness of life only He can bring.

Happy Birthday

2008-12-25T14:23:00.002-05:00

Yes, Happy Birthday Jesus. And Happy Birthday Mom! I love you!

No, I three!

2008-12-23T22:47:00.000-05:00

Dear Savannah, Saturday you were very grown up. You wore 3T pants and they were not long at all! You pooped in the potty, "read" at least 10 books you had memorized, and insisted you were not two, but in fact three years old. You were a picture of your next summer self, and I must admit, I was surprised to see how reluctant I felt to see you that way.

When you woke up Sunday, you were sullen, loud, and refused to poop (or pee) in the potty. You wore a 3T dress that looked like the "before" outfit on an "after" body. Your vocabulary consisted of "no," "mine," and the ever-used "Sydney no touch my..." followed by your held out hand in your sister's face. In short, you were two again. And I wasn't happy with that either.

Sorry I want your age to be whatever is most convenient (and least emotionally taxing) for me. It's a good thing I'm not in charge of your mood or my sanctification would be much slower. I just want you to know that I love you very much - sick or healthy, two or "three"- and you feel free to grow and develop at the rate God has set out for you. That's what you're going to do anyway. :)

Oh, and that unsolicited kiss you blew to me and your daddy when we left your room just about knocked us both over. I really thought I was going to hit the floor when my knees buckled. I think Daddy said it best, "The answer to your question is no. She could not possibly be cuter."

Antibiotics to all, and to all a goodnight!

2008-12-23T15:12:00.003-05:00

Another doctor visit. Each girl has an ear infection - one right, one left. Sydney's is yucky and gross; Savannah's is just beginning. Savannah just finished an ear infection. She had to get a shot. And she'll get one tomorrow and Friday. Merry Christmas - you're getting rocephin. Sydney will be the recipient of a large bottle of liquid augmentin. Just what every 5-year-old girl dreams of... but I will receive a good gift - the gift of no more coughing and some much needed sleep - for all of us. :)

Or not...

2008-12-22T22:57:00.003-05:00

Illness strikes again! Ah, the joys of preschool for two and young immune systems! We're in the middle of two seriously yucky colds (though the Thanksgiving ear infections have cleared!), but managed to make it through the end of the school days and the holiday madness. Now we can enjoy being home and sleeping (when the coughing allows). It's a bit surprising how the familiar bark of the croup can both wake me and put me to sleep - all in the same 24 hours period. I have many entries to finish, so I'll do that now and set them to post over the next week or so. No matter your circumstances, may you know the peace of Christmas this week - His name is Jesus!

Be Healed!

2008-11-11T19:06:00.002-05:00

Because we are!

But seriously, both girls went to preschool this morning, I overdid the last few days to try and get caught-up on cleaning and sanity, and had to nap from 4-6pm (oops), and my dear husband is at a meeting he doesn't normally have. In short, we're back to normal! I'm feeling a bit nostalgic, so hopefully there will be some blog entry completion (and posting) of substance. More to come...

Washing machines matter

2008-11-06T22:36:00.003-05:00

I have all these wonderful posts started (or at least something started - they're not yet wonderful or they'd be published already!), but I can't get to any of them because while I was still trying to process my summer we had the regular craziness of the start of school followed by yucky colds, ear infections, scarlet fever, a major birthday (she's 5!) and now the stomach flu hitting, it appears, 4 out of 4. Please pray my mom doesn't take this home with her - she's already had a week-long visit much different than envisioned... and our washing machine broke. So I'll get back to our life catch-up when we're all keeping our food down at the same time. And I'm not real sure when that might be.

fyi

2008-10-11T14:59:00.000-04:00

What Your Handbag Says About You

You tend to be relaxed throughout the day. You are naturally at peace.

You tend to be relaxed but alert. You keep your eye out for anything unusual.

You are a low maintenance person. You can adapt to a variety of situations.

You are open and comfortable with who you are. You don't hide anything.

You are an organized and together person. You are competent and successful.

You are an outgoing and expressive person. You always speak your mind, and you're very approachable.

What Does Your Handbag Say About You?

Slippers

2008-10-01T21:32:00.002-04:00

I love slippers. I wear them a portion (all) of every day. My feet are perpetually freezing, so I bundle them up with warm socks and my slippers. Here is the pair I've been wearing since (eek!) I was pregnant with Savannah (now 19 mos. old):

Yes, sometimes when I walk I can feel the floor on my feet. And yes, sadly, they have been leaving bits of themselves all over the house for weeks now. They are a very fuzzy red... lovely for those crummy pregnant days when you want something cheerful to help you smile through the nausea. Not so good for keeping the floors free of red lint (and now, rubber sole parts)...

I've known for months that it was time to get new ones, but I couldn't find the right fit. You see, I wear them every day, and I can't stress enough how much they matter to me - type, fit, comfort, durability, etc. The other day I was at Wal-Mart with a bunch of time to kill and I thought, "Why not? I'll wander over to slippers..." Please keep in mind that I have looked there before. I have checked other stores. I have checked websites. I have checked catalogs. I have checked every place to check known to my brain, and never found a good fit.

It took approximately 5 seconds to find the perfect pair. Even Sydney agreed. They're not fancy (or really fuzzy), but they fit my feet, they fit the budget, and they have no holes. It's this last reason, I think, that my feet have been warm for the first time in months... here you are feet. Oh, happy day!

********************************************************************

Just a quick note - I first wrote this in April, so now my new slippers have been around 5.5 months. They are still warm, inexpensive, and intact. And I leave no fuzzies in my wake...

Friends

2008-09-30T10:20:00.001-04:00

Sydney got in the car yesterday with some "excellent" news! She played computers with *Josh* during center time, and here's how she explained it to me:

"I played computers with *Josh* today. I think we're friends now. We made things for each other on the computer. He made me an S and I made him a *J* shirt.

He said, 'I think I actually like you' to me.

I said, 'I do like you' to him.

He said 'I like you too.'

Then we decided we could play outside together later, but we forgot. But it means we're friends now."

What do you say after that story? It was "excellent" news.

Soooooo, how was your summer?

2008-09-29T21:55:00.003-04:00

Wow. Are we almost to October? What in the world happened? I mean, I know I keep telling people that this summer "kicked my butt" (and in a "bottom" family, that's saying something!), but really?? So apparently having a toddler, a preschooler, a pastor-husband, lots of out-of-town visitors and sunshine suppresses blogging. Who knew?

I'll get some pictures up soon, but this fall looks worse than the summer, so I think my lofty blogging goals (thanks to many other inspiring bloggers who clearly have a) more time, b) older children or c) clearer heads than I) have to come back down to where they were to begin with. Do what I can - let the people hear some stories and see some pictures.

As for the ever-promised entries from the spring? Well, the short version is that the day you want to take advantage of all Wal-Mart has to offer for diversion you will find what you need on the aisle, and at your first try. Makes for a L-O-N-G wait for (another) prescription... especially if you are four years old.

And the slippers? Well, those who've spent time at my house (with me in it) know that I could never just give a sentence to them. These pillars of sanity will eventually get their blogging due. But not this week. :)

For whatever it's worth, I'm back.

We are slowly recovering...

2008-04-30T00:53:00.003-04:00

It is way past my bedtime and I'm leading a Bible study in the morning so I've got to get sleeping. However, I did want to mention that we are slowly recovering here in the sick house, and to thank you for your prayers (and to ask them to keep coming!). I hope to post a lovely account of our 7 visits to the doctor in only 2 weeks, (plus the two dentist check-ups), the "how to kill an hour in Wal-Mart with your sick kid" (a real nail biter), and a tribute to slippers. You may never hear of the joy of crazily disinfecting the whole house in just over a day, but I'm sure many of you can imagine that one (because you've been there). I just wanted to check in and say that we're alive and we're on the road to recovery (except Kevin, so pray that his doctor visit tomorrow is super-productive and yields quick results!). Thanks for so many messages of prayers and love. Oh, and yes, we're unharmed by the tornados. All good news.

It's not just allergies

2008-04-21T00:03:00.001-04:00

'nuff said.

Sickies

2008-04-19T22:35:00.000-04:00

Last week Spring Break ended, the hubby went off to a conference, and I thought life would get back to it's normal routine. Anyone know what this means? Yes, fellow-parents, you are correct - the girls got sick.

In defense of Savannah, she's had an ear infection since before Easter, so she just remained sick (we're on antibiotic number 3. Could tubes be in her future as well? I have some extra kid earplugs for bathtime...).

Sydney, however, thanks to her asthma inhaler, has been MUCH healthier this fall/winter/spring than the last couple. We had a real humdinger sometime in January (oh man, it was bad - like four, crazy, unrelated illnesses at one time) but since then, we've been great. Not so last week. Though she never coughed hard enough to vomit (sorry for the description, but I was so grateful), she came close a couple times, and really wasn't able to function too well. She had some throat pain that prevented swallowing even her favorite soft foods, and had to miss church on Sunday, which is a pretty major deal for us. <---- (here I would like to interject a thank you to my Mother-in-law, who not only made it possible for me to keep Sydney home and still teach Sunday School, but also spent a good portion of each day this past week helping me juggle the two sickies and their competing wellness schedules. THANK YOU!)

Dad took Sydney to the doctor on Monday (and then got on his airplane) and they said it was probably a virus that should pass by the end of the week, but guess what happened Wednesday morning after breakfast. "I'm really okay to go to school mom..." she insisted, as she barely ate some yogurt and then doubled-over onto her chair. I told her to go to the couch and here's what I found maybe three minutes later:

Yep! She's asleep. Out cold. This child NEVER falls asleep on the couch. She's got the amazing willpower of her dad and can practically make her body do ANYTHING (including stay awake at ridiculous times and for ridiculous reasons). I knew this was serious. Just look at this face!

So, I called the doctor, called my Bible Study co-leader, and settled in for a day of nurse mom. It turns out that she woke up from her little morning "nap" with a fever of 101. Hooray for us, we won the doctor prize, and got ourselves an antibiotic. When I took Savannah in on Friday (oh yes, it was a 3-fer), she was exhibiting all the same symptoms Sydney had had all week, but it turns out it's just the persistent ear infection rearing up again. So we stopped one antibiotic halfway through day eight and are trying again with something even stronger. At least this is only given once a day, keeping my med checks mostly confined to the morning hours. Add in Sydney's trip to the dentist the Friday before and my trip to said dentist just before Savannah's appointment yesterday and it's been a banner 10 days. And it looks like my dear hubby is home just in time for my throat to get scratchy. It could be allergies, right...?

What I learned in April

2008-04-08T12:07:00.000-04:00

We've had a great couple of weeks hosting some folks and enjoying my mom's long visit, but it has meant a lack of blogging! I've got some thoughts rolling around and thought I'd get out a couple of quick ones before I plunge into the deep and vast pile of papers that is my desk. Here are some things I've learned over the last couple weeks:

1. My children love to take out the garbage. Sydney loves to do anything "by myself" and Savannah loves to do anything that Sydney does - including emptying garbage cans, tying up the bags, and taking them to the cans outside. Syd especially enjoys hauling the recycle bin from the kitchen because it's "Really Big Mom" (it's also really light). Apparently the size of the container means that she is strong. And let's hear it for those tiny boxes I had so that Savannah could also carry something (without sharp points) to the blue bin...

2. Savannah is a toddler. She's 18 months old but doing all the toddler things. This morning's treat? A rousing game of "Chase the Naked, Wet Baby." Who needs a towel after bath time anyway? Even if it does have a cute little froggy hood.

3. Tired = tired. It doesn't matter how you slice it, if you've been sleep deprived for years, you can't recoup in a mere 10 days. Thanks for letting me try, though, mom.

More later...

And the Four-Year-Old does it again...

2008-03-21T13:47:00.000-04:00

She's really on a roll. Or maybe it was the Holy Spirit. Either way, my lovely child has given me something to ponder. This morning was one of those rare, relaxed, "home days" (only filled with a hubby who had to vacate the bedroom a couple hours early to allow our friend to take a shower and prepare for her job interview, the presence of another friend who would take this first friend to the airport after the interview, the impending arrival of my mother-in-law to whisk away said child for Easter Breakfast preparations and a phone that won't stop ringing).

Like a said, a rare, *relaxed* home day. I was happily padding about in my pjs and robe, feeding people, cleaning up the kitchen, floating around from pile to pile to make order out of chaos, and checking in on the girls who were, shockingly, either sharing or staying out of each others' way. Praise God for his daily mercies.

Sitting in the front room I graciously received my daughter's birthday party invitation (b'day still over 6 months away). It was a picture of her, with a "gummy head" chasing her (but she was too fast and got away, "so don't worry mommy"). [Do I talk about name calling again now, or enjoy the picture...] About five minutes later she brought in a picture for her sister - two beautiful faces with geometric hair. Gorgeous.

Here's the problem.

She wants to let her sister hold the picture. She wants her to keep it forever. BUT, she knows her sister is not as gentle as she is. So she gives it to her and explains "No crumpling." Then she takes it back. Then she holds it up for her to see. Very close and far away. Then she asks, "Do you understand?" My youngest says "Yes." Syd gives her the page. Wait! Yes to crumpling or yes to no crumpling? The page is back in Sydney's hand before Savannah has hardly touched it and I'm ready for the certain paper cut to start bleeding... no blood. Bonus. This game goes on for some time, and, surprisingly, my 18 month old eventually has the page for about 30 seconds, during which she very gently and carefully holds it straight, exclaiming over it's wonders in beautiful toddler-speak.

What's the point? I watched this exchange and wondered how often I do that with God. Do I make pretty pictures and invite him only to my "parties"? Do I try to give him something and then take it back, in a very complicated dance of control (or the illusion of it)? If I know he is going to destroy something, shouldn't that be an indication that it's not good for me and instead of holding on like a security blanket I ought to throw it out like it were on fire? And lastly, do I ever trust God to grasp me with his careful touch and beautiful words, much the way Savannah surprised me by her "no crumpling" after all?

Quiet times with a four-year-old.

2008-03-21T13:14:00.000-04:00

Last night as I tucked my oldest into bed, she picked the story of the Prodigal Son(s) from her kid Bible. (you can read it in a "grown up" Bible - Luke 15:11-32). At the end of the parable, her Bible explains how much God loves His children and will always love His children. Even though she was tired, she was also able to be quiet and think, so here's the conversation we had after the book closed:

Me: Are you God's child?

Her: Yes. Everyone is God's child.

Me: No, not everyone is God's child.

Her: What? (sounding someone more awake than 20 seconds ago)

Me: God made everyone, but they are not all in His family.

Her: Oh.

Me: How do you know if you are in Jesus' family?

Her: He's in my heart!

Me: Right. Well, not everyone has Jesus in their heart. But the ones who do are God's children - they're in His family.

Her: Oh. Well I have Jesus in my heart. He gave me a NEW heart. So I'm His child.

Me: Yep!

Her: And did Jesus give you a new heart?

Me: Yes!

Her: And did Jesus give daddy a new heart?

Me: Yes!

Her: And did Jesus give Savannah [little sister] a new heart?

Me: We don't know. She doesn't have any words to talk to us about that yet. But we are praying that Jesus will give her a new heart.

Her: Right! (look of wheels turning...)

Me: I'm your mommy, and you're my daughter, so you're my child, right?

Her: Right.

Me: How about your friend *Name*? She is your friend and we love her, but she is not my child. She is a person, but she is not part of our family.

Her: She's not in Jesus' family either.

Me: She's not? (wondering if now our family is the only part of Jesus' family)

Her: No, she's in Santa's family. (Confirmation that the discussion of Santa we had from November until last week is getting in there...)

Me: You can invite her to be in Jesus' family.

Her: I can?!?! I want to do that!

Me: You tell her what you know of Jesus, then you ask her she wants Him to come give her a new heart. If she does, she can pray and ask Him for a new heart that loves Him.

Her: Okay, I'll do that. When she gets back from vacation. Mom?

Me: Yes?

Her: I'm tired. I love you.

Me: I love you too. Goodnight.

Her: Goodnight.

These are the sweet moments of motherhood.

House pictures!

2008-02-14T22:23:00.000-05:00

Well, after combing my backlogged photos, I found a partial picture of the front of our house before the renovation. As far as the after photos, please ignore the lawn in its current state and imagine the doors painted to match the shutters. Other than that, prepare yourself for the aahhh factor and enjoy (we certainly do)!

The shed was added just before the house work began (it has matching siding - hooray closeout deals!). With the loving work of many friends (who are literally pros at this) we only had to pay for materials and therefore found it was cheaper to add a shed then to rent a storage unit for the duration of the renovation.

The Gospel of "Clean House"

2008-01-22T14:28:00.000-05:00

Today on our way home from Sydney's dance class she told me we "have to clean the WHOLE house" so that her friends can come to play dress up. Then she asked me not to tell anyone that we cleaned and especially NOT her friends' moms when we called them. Normally I might have shrugged it off in lieu of planning out the best way to get lunch into the girls and Savannah off for a nap, but today was different. Today I told her we don't clean the house to hide our mess - people are welcome to come to a messy house. Today I told her we clean the house to have room to play. Her response? "Oh, okay."

Nothing earth shattering, or so it seemed. But in teaching her the principles of messiness and people, I hope to have laid one small piece of the foundation that we do not hide our sin - we do not present ourselves cleaner than we are - we lean into God as His Spirit moves and transforms us, in order to more fully experience the freedom that life with Jesus brings. She doesn't understand that today, and she won't understand it tomorrow, but maybe in a decade, she'll have the courage to say to a classmate - "Yeah, I have that problem too..." and invite them into her messy heart. Because once they see her mess, then they can ask her if she knows any cleaners - and that is the conversation that leads to saving faith in Jesus. How I long for my little girl to lead others to Him, for the sake of their lives and for her own.

Praise be for The Holy Spirit who reveals the truth of the Gospel at all times and in all places!

TOO CUTE!

2008-01-18T22:06:00.000-05:00

Disneyworld

2008-01-18T21:24:00.001-05:00

Thanks to our friends, Brent and Wendy, and their wedding in Orlando, we were able to fulfill my Father-in-Law's lifelong dream of going to DisneyWorld. One day was all it took (and all we had). Here are a few a my favorite shots from the week (non-wedding).

Savannah just before she tried to eat Mickey's nose.

Sydney and me. I overcame my weird, unexplained, water phobia and played with her all afternoon. She was fearless and I was cringing, but we had a great time!

As much as Sydney was energized by the water, Savannah got in and promptly fell asleep. We were all so jealous...

Oh, and there are so many more - of the fam, meeting Mickey, seeing Ariel, and the famed "before" and "after" shots of Savannah riding on "It's a Small World." Plus, there's Sydney in the parade becoming a certified CowGirl with Woody's Roundup Gang... and the "after pouring showers" clothing change. As we were making the last obligatory bathroom stops before leaving the park, this woman says to Sydney (who's waiting ever-so-patiently, and yes, I really mean that) "Would you like to play with a hula hoop?" I thought to myself, "This really is the Happiest Place on Earth!"

New House (sort of)

2008-01-18T20:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, so the biggest news of 2007 was the massive remodel of our house. The problem is that I can't seem to find a good before or after picture. I'll try to take one of the house tomorrow and that should do it for the after, but I'm still searching for the before (I want the full aaahh effect). To sum it, I'll say this: Our pediatrician started a home remodel shortly before we did, and his advice was, "Run, stop, do not begin. Worst experience of my life." We ignored him, but rest assured, we take his medical opinion more seriously. However, after our usable house space was cut in half, we now had to eat every snack and meal in the office (an already crammed space) and Savannah, age 7 months was suddenly sleeping in our room, plus Sydney, age 3.5 and as full of "life" as ever, and the incessant pounding all day every day, we realized our pediatrician was definitely on to something. That's the short version. Then there's all the hours Kevin gave up of work (because planting a church, well, is that time-consuming?) and the fact that as soon as we moved the furniture back in place the converted garage had a plumbing issue and we had to rip out the floor and start over in September (that only took another month and meant the loss of the dining room again)... but that's for another time. God is faithful and good, and we love our new space. Here's a teaser - my favorite demo shot - looking up at what used to be the garage ceiling...

Easter Snowman

2008-01-18T20:32:00.000-05:00

Yes, you read that correctly. Sydney's first snowman (in her memory) was Easter Saturday, 2007. Kevin, much better in the cold snow than I, waited until the perfect moment to run out and make him - his name was Arthur. With the promise of snow from the weather man, Syd seems to think Arthur's making a comeback tomorrow. I'm thinking if it snows that much we're skipping gymnastics and having hot cocoa. Maybe we'll make a snowy card.

New Year's Cards

2008-01-18T20:27:00.000-05:00

I knew I wasn't going to make it in time for Christmas, but this year I thought I could send out some kind of electronic (no printing, stuffing, addressing, or postage) New Year's card updating all those well-intentioned folks who send us their family musings every winter. I failed to do that. And, after reading many a wonderful blog and also needing a better way to show folks our cute-as-anything children, I took the plunge and started this blog. That being said, I plan to start with a few, short updates highlighting our 2007. Maybe short writings will actually get the job done. To good ideas and maybe a follow-through! Happy 2008.

Here goes

2008-01-18T20:24:00.000-05:00

So... I'm entering the world of blogging. I'm not sure I have too much to say, and I'm certain I have no time to say it, but here I am. Let the wild rumpus begin.